Portfolio

I think that out of all my essays the McCandless one needs the most work done. I think that needs the most work mainly because it was the first essay that we wrote and I have learned soo much aboout my writing over the semester. The main thing that I feel is wrong with it is that my secondary sources that discuss my topic are not very strong. i think that I really need to get better sources, and probably more credible, in order to make my point stronger. It was also pointed out to me that I used somewhat harsh language when i was trying to show McCandless being ignorant and unprepared. I think that it would be just as effective if i toned down my word choice a bit. On the other hand, I feel that right now my personal analysis essay is the best. I think that I followed the prompt fully and that this essay just came out strong. I did a good job of comparing myself to Michael Phelps in a couple different ways, and at the same time making my connection universal. That made it more applicable to anyone who might read my essay. One of the strongest points that I made was about me having a similar conversation with my mother that Phelps had with his mom. I felt that this drew a direct comparison and was descriptive enough to get the point across. I think that it still needs a lot of work done, though. One thing is that I need to make the part about my brother more clear and separate from the rest of my essay. I was trying to show how my brother was like Phelps' swim coach, but didn't make that clear enough.